Self-Reflection: what it is and how it helps you become a better leader
Self-reflection is an underrated practice in today's fast-paced world. Most people jump from one task to another without really taking time out to consider what they're doing and why it matters. I'll admit that checking off items and achieving results feels good, but if you don't take time to reflect on your work's impact, you're missing out on a powerful tool to make meaning out of your efforts and make a greater impact.
"We do not learn from experience. We learn from reflecting on experience." - John Dewey
Most people don't make self-reflection a regular practice in their lives because it often forces us to encounter emotions that don't feel comfortable or confront situations we'd rather pretend don't exist. Another reason people don't practice it is that they're not very familiar with what it is.
What exactly is self-reflection?
Self-reflection, at its core, involves some form of a cognitive process - whether by yourself or with another individual. However, it differs from other thinking processes in that it is deliberate and mainly aimed at increasing one's understanding of a situation. Here are three key things to know about self-reflection:
It can be done in solitude or with another individual:
I love reflecting in solitude; it has its benefits - it allows me to be more introspective and less influenced by outside forces.
But I have also discovered that many individuals also derive a lot of benefit from doing this as a part of a group process or having someone - whether a therapist, trusted colleague, or coach - prompt questions and listen. When we hold ourselves accountable and are transparent with ourselves or with others about our goals/actions, reflection becomes one powerful tool that aids us in opening up a dialogue with those around us and deepening the level of trust and respect we have with them.
Making it a frequent practice helps you get better at it:
The only way to get better at anything is to keep doing it, so whatever you choose - whether reflecting alone or with someone, the important thing is that you determine to create time for this practice. There's no one rule as to how often or where you should self-reflect. If you find that the only time you have to do this as a working parent, for instance, is when you're alone folding the weekly laundry, that's okay. The key is to start and keep going until it becomes a habitual practice - weekly, monthly, or daily.
You can draw or write - the key thing is to capture your thoughts:
Something that must be present when self-reflecting is a way to capture these thoughts. Writing with pen and paper is probably the most traditional form, but that doesn't mean it works for everyone. Mindmaps are an example of alternative ways to capture thoughts and responses. Whatever method you use, make sure it's one that will work for you.
Self-reflection in three simple steps
Step 1 - Preparation: When self-reflecting, preparation is key. Make sure you are in a place where you won't be disturbed or tempted to leave. Make yourself comfortable and keep a recording device close - whether a pen and paper, a whiteboard or a digital device with notifications turned off.
Step 2 - Ask questions or make observations: After you have prepared, this is when you ask yourself the questions that will prompt you to self-reflect. It's important to make sure the questions are open-ended - ones that don't have one right answer. For example, you could ask yourself, "What did I learn about myself today?"
Step 3 - Record the response: Then wait for your answer to arrive. A lot of times, it's important to record (or share, if with another person) what comes up without judgment or editing. Sometimes, the answer may come in the form of an image you see or a song that plays - these are not to be ignored or left out.
If you find that the only time you have to do this as a working parent for instance, is when you're alone folding the weekly laundry, that's okay. The key is to start, and to keep going until it becomes an habitual practice - whether weekly, monthly or daily.
What to ask and questions to stay away from
Self-reflection also takes many different forms; how each leader will go about this process will depend on their personality and preferences. If you love structure, you may prefer an organized process designed around predetermined questions. If you're more spontaneous and love going with the flow, you may generally prefer an unstructured format in which you follow your thoughts in the direction they flow. Whatever you choose, keep these two things in mind:
You can ask micro or macro questions: You can ask yourself big-picture questions like "What is my purpose at this organization?" or you can go deep down on a micro level and ask yourself questions about your day, a specific experience, or simply check in with yourself to find out how you feel a the moment.
Don't slip into rumination: While self-reflection is a deliberate attempt at exploring your experiences to learn something, rumination is focused on the negative, typically accompanied by feelings of regret, guilt, or self-blame, and often involves turning going over an issue in your mind many times with no end in sight. Something that might help prevent this is ensuring that you focus on "what" questions rather than "why" questions. For example, you may ask yourself, "What caused this setback?" instead of "Why am I a terrible team leader?"
The case for self-reflection
Most people don't recognize the benefits of self-reflection or are too busy to make it a regular practice. Whatever the reasons, not making time for self-reflection or not fully embracing it when you do have that time will negatively impact your ability to lead effectively. Here are a few reasons why self-reflection can be a powerful tool in your toolbox:
It helps you become more self-aware:
Self-reflection elevates things you’d otherwise have missed to your level of consciousness. Connecting the dots of your past and present actions allows you to find clarity about your experiences - how you handle problems and celebrate successes, for instance -and evaluate your approach to peculiar situations.
Taking time out to reflect frequently is an important tool for your leadership strategy, and not practicing it can be costly - we've all heard of or worked with leaders who are not self-aware and negatively impact their teams, and a key thing that's often missing in the situation is self-reflection.
Recalling your decisions and situations can make you a better individual - both personally and professionally. It guides you into being receptive versus reactionary, helps you think about internal and external feedback, and explores how to make these work for you.
It helps you build deeper relationships with your team members:
Research has shown that leaders who are not only self-aware but reflect on the feedback they receive from their team members have better relationships with them (with team members also reporting higher satisfaction). Frequently practicing self-reflection makes you a more empathetic leader.
Leaders who also take the time to reflect on how they communicate not only with their team members but also with people outside of work can see vast improvements in this area.
It helps you process problems better, leading to more effective decision-making:
Leaders who spend time reflecting on their experiences, and their reactions to different situations in the past, are more likely to make better decisions. Why? Because they have taken the time to identify what has worked for them in the past and what hasn't.
This practice gives you a broader perspective and allows you to be creative when it comes to problem-solving - two important traits for any leader looking to improve their team's performance.
It energizes and refreshes you and helps you recommit to your personal purpose:
Taking time out for yourself isn’t a selfish act; it's actually really healthy. After all, you can't pour from an empty cup. Giving yourself the opportunity to reflect allows you to come back recharged and with new perspectives - instead of running on fumes.
During the self-reflection process, it is not uncommon to discover something that resonates with you on a higher level, which often leads us to find fulfilling paths. It helps you reconcile your beliefs with your experiences, and if you find yourself feeling like you are at peace during this process, don't be surprised; this is how powerful self-reflection can be.
Final notes
Anyone can get wrapped up in their own successes, but practicing self-reflection regularly will help keep you grounded. Leaders who take the time out to reflect on themselves are more likely to maintain a sense of accountability to themselves, their team members, and their organization.
Self-reflection helps you stay humble and accountable for your growth because it helps you explore new areas that interest you or challenge you. During this process, it might be hard to see the benefits of what you're doing right away, but remember to:
Stay committed and be patient: Self-reflection is a learning process that takes time and commitment. If you're not seeing results right away or you find yourself falling off the wagon, it's okay. Take your time, you're not in competition with anyone else.
Have fun with it: While the process is important, it may be helpful to keep in mind that self-reflection can also be a beautiful mind/soul practice and a great way to connect with yourself and your creativity.
Remember that you're worth it: Self-reflection is an especially beneficial exercise for leaders because we spend so much time thinking about what others think of us - often at the expense of truly knowing ourselves or taking the time for ourselves that we need.
Ps: if you want to schedule some time with me to practice this process, feel free to book my free "virtual coffee" session, and come with a cup of water, tea, or orange juice to chat!
